I don't believe

I'm getting increasingly frustrated!

I don't believe in the God I have faith in.

I have faith in a God who heals, yet I don't believe he'll do it.

I have faith in a God who can use me, yet I don't believe he'll do it.

I've heard stories of churches in foreign lands where the people believe in a child-like manner. What is said in the Bible is true, therefore it applies to them. Churches where all new believers are healed of vision problems and no longer need their glasses. Yet in the UK, wearing glasses is seen as normal so we don't even think to ask God for healing of our eyesight. Our expectations about what is normal in life outweighs our expectations of what God can do for us. There are churches where there has been healing of tooth cavities! We have dentists to fill our teeth so we don't expect God to heal our dental problems.

I'm aching! But it's just my age. My eyesight is getting worse each year, but it's just my age.

I have friends suffering from severe migraines. Nothing has cured them. They're even having to try medication which has not yet been accepted in the UK! Is this what God wants? For us to be guinea pigs for a cure? We accept our ailments. We pray that God will heal us, but in reality we don't really believe he will.

I want to believe in the God I have faith in!

I want to KNOW my God, to experience him in my life and to let others see how amazing, loving and miraculous he is!

Witnesses

John 1: 4 - 9

God sent a man, John the Baptist, to tell about the light so that everyone might believe because of his testimony. John himself was not the light; he was simply a witness to tell about the light. The one who is the true light, who gives light to everyone, was coming into the world.

I'm being struck, time and time again at the moment, by the necessity for our role as witnesses. John took his role seriously, he was a full time evangelist telling people about the need to repent and follow God.

It's not feasible that every Christian gives up work and spends all their days out on the streets witnessing. It is feasible that every Christian has a living testimony of what God is doing in their lives and that they talk about it every day.

I was challenged a couple of years ago by a talk I heard. A comment about people who recall what God did in their lives many years ago. Our testimony needs to be current. We need to be aware of what God is doing day to day. Not only the big miracles but the small ways that God touches our lives. The peace He gives in a difficult situation, the speed with which events occur, the friends He places around us, the joy that sings in our hearts despite a sorrow that invades.

Big miracles have their place. They are awesome to recount. If we are to be witnesses for God to ordinary people, to point them to a loving Father, we need to be able to tell them about our everyday lives and the affect He has on them. Sometimes we don't need to verbally tell them. Sometimes our friends know a difficult situation we are going through but they see a strength in us which amazes them. When they ask, we need to be ready with the answer that God is our strength. We must never be ashamed to be a witness for all that God is doing!

John 1: 1 - 5

In the beginning the Word already existed.
The Word was with God,
and the Word was God.
² He existed in the beginning with God.
³ God created everything through him,
and nothing was created except through him.
⁴ The Word gave life to everything that was created
and his life brought light to everyone.
⁵ The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it.

Jesus brings light to everyone. We hear amazing stories of people living in isolated places who have never heard of Jesus yet they have encounters with Him and become believers. His light shining brings about change in people. His light shining cannot be extinguished or understand or overpowered. Different bible versions use these different words, but what if the original word meant all three? I'm not a scholar, so I prefer to just use the internet to compare the different versions, it widens perspective.

In our lives we can choose to follow the light or ignore it. We can choose to let it bring life in all it's fullness or just live an existence on this planet. We can choose.

From my own personal experience, I much prefer living when I allow God to be in my life than the times when I've ignored Him and gone my own way. Life with Light is much brighter. We can see more clearly and enjoy life so much more!

Where is He?

I haven't blogged for a very long time but two things I know: God wants to me to read His Word and He wants me to blog. Now please don't think I haven't read His Word since 2008, the two aren't mutually inclusive. I just find that when God speaks to me I want to share it, but I've been lazy at doing so. It's also very easy to read God's word without allowing Him to speak through it. Some of you will read this, skim over it and not give it a second thought, others will read it and agree or disagree, a few may even read it and allow the words to make you think. I want to read God's word and learn. I want to read God's word and it make me think. I want to read God's word and it excite me! When that happens, I want to share those things with others. I want to use this blog to that end.

So what has God been saying to me?

Read my Word. That's fine, but it's a big book and I've made the excuse of not knowing where to start. The beginning is not always the best place. In reality it's easy to find out what to read. If God's told me to read His word, then He knows where He wants me to read and if I ask Him, He'll tell me. Guess what? When I asked Him, He told me. John.

So this morning I took myself into a quiet place. I asked God to show me something new. The problem with John is that most of us know it too well and it's so easy to read it without reading it! I sat down expecting to read most of chapter 1, but in truth, verse 1 was sufficient. ( I read New Living Translation, if I read something different, I'll let you know). So without further preamble, here goes:

In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God and the Word was God.

(John1:1)

As humans we need to compartmentalise things and God is no exception. I've always wondered where He is. Where is He? How could He exist before anything else existed? When did He start? By trying to answer these questions we're trying to humanise Him, or even to make Him like everything else around us - a created being. God isn't created, He IS. As He named Himself to Abraham, I AM.

There is no time, or space with God. In our terms He has always existed. We struggle with this because we need a beginning and an end to all things. Everything that is created has a beginning, everything will eventually die and fade away. God does not fall into this category because He is not created. He just IS. He doesn't occupy a particular space, He just IS.

When the Bible talks about "in the beginning" it isn't talking about the beginning of God, it's talking about the beginning of our created universe. God already existed, but not in a physical space or time. He chose to create everything we know, He chose to begin His work.

So now I need to stop imagining God floating around the earth above the atmosphere and allow Him to be who He is. God does not need materials to create something. He does not need time to create it in and He certainly does not need the space in which to do it. God is God, not a human and I need to stop trying to visualise Him and make Him human. I need to stop trying to understand Him. I need to just accept that God IS.

The LORD of Heavens Armies

What an amazing title!

I am loved by a God who is Lord of Heavens Armies.

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Yesterday was difficult. Yet instead of battling against the spiritual forces, I allowed them to ruin my day. Often we fail to acknowledge the work of satan in our lives trying to prevent us from doing God's will. Satan does not have authority in our lives but he does have the ability to mess things up if we allow him. We need to take the authority given to us and use it to reclaim what it rightfully ours as sons of God. We must learn to fight in the heavenlies whilst remembering that God has the victory. The daily battles we face will not have any effect on the battle that has already been won when Christ died for our sins. The daily battles we face will have an effect on our present day lives if we do not live in the power God has given to us.

We have as our Commander in Chief the Holy of Holies, the Almighty God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth. Our daily victories are secure if we put our trust and faith in Him and don't allow satan to rob us of our daily inheritance. When we go in to battle in the spiritual realms we are not fighting alone, but alongside the multitude of God's angels who are under the orders and authority of God. Our victory is assured!

All we need to do when satan attacks is acknowledge the attack and go in to battle with the Lord of Heavens Armies knowing the victory is secure.

Honour God with your sacrifices

Malachi 1

6 "A son honours his father, and a servant his master. If then I am a father, where is my honour? And if I am a master, where is my fear? says the LORD of hosts to you, O priests, who despise my name. But you say, 'How have we despised your name?' 7 By offering polluted food upon my altar. But you say, 'How have we polluted you?' By saying that the LORD’s table may be despised. 8 When you offer blind animals in sacrifice, is that not evil? And when you offer those that are lame or sick, is that not evil? Present that to your governor; will he accept you or show you favour? says the LORD of hosts.

I was challenged by these verses about my offerings. The offering we should give on a daily basis to God is our worship. Yet how often do I not bother to even give God the time of day? How often do I fail to open my Bible, let alone read it with a view to allowing the Holy Spirit to spend time talking with me?

When I go to church on a Sunday, I love to worship. I love to sing and to be an enthusiastic worshipper. Sadly, I'm easily distracted. I watch others, my mind strays or I just sing because it makes me feel good. My heart and spirit are not always fully engaged. These acts of worship are like the lame and sick animals that were presented for sacrifice.

I've always tried to be punctual and get frustrated if others make me late. I get annoyed inside when people arrive for a meeting after the start time. To me, the meeting start time is when the formal part of the meeting begins, but just as important is the time before when we meet and welcome our friends and catch up on life. Yet many people arrive for church at the start time or later. They chat and go to their seats slowly. The meeting begins late because so few people are ready to begin at the appointed hour.

Isn't this just another form of polluted offerings?

Our corporate time of worship should be as disciplined as our personal time. I show a lack of respect to God when I arrive late or spend time chatting. I show a lack of respect to God when I neglect to read my Bible or talk to him each day.

Father, You are a Holy God and my offerings to you should reflect my love for you. Forgive my lack of respect, forgive my casual attitude to your word. Father, I thank you that you always forgive me when I repent. Your love for me is so immense that you don't condemn my failings when I ask forgiveness, but you open your arms and welcome me with your love. Father, I will make time each day to read your word and to allow you to speak to me. I will begin my day in worship to a holy God who has poured out such love to me. Father, I thank you for your love, your patience and your faithfulness. Amen.

Minor Prophets

The other week I was challenged about where I read in the Bible. "Look for the clean pages, the pages that have never been opened."

Now I have many times begun to read the Bible from beginning to end only to give up after a couple of months. I've rarely read as far as Isaiah, and certainly never read the minor prophets! I remember well a series of Bible studies on the book of Amos despite it being over 30 years ago, but the others? I haven't a clue about them.

I'm going to make an effort to read them, starting with the last book of the Old Testament and working forwards. So, hopefully, there will follow a series of thoughts on the minor prophets. They are going to be thoughts, not intellectual study. I won't be looking deeply into meaning, or probably even the history. It's going to be my thoughts about what God is revealing about himself and myself today.

I hope you find them interesting.

Just passing through or enjoying the journey

The other day a friend saw an image of me sitting on a fast train. It was an express train, travelling at speed through the countryside without stopping. I was enjoying the journey.

As I've thought about the image over the last couple of days I realised how true it is of my life.

I'm really enjoying it! I long for the day when I will live eternity in God's presence praising him. In the meantime, I'm really enjoying my life.

There are ups and downs, times of trial and joy, but in essence I'm excited by what God is doing in this present age. I'm excited by my life. I know there's a lot more to do and see but for the present time - I love living here and now.

The greatest lie

I think one of the greatest lies that Satan tells today's christians are that we are not important enough for him to be bothered with us. Satan will do his utmost to prevent us from doing God's will. We need to acknowledge his interest in our lives and come against him with the authority given to us through the blood of Jesus.

I've had a rotten day at work. I've been so near to tears on many occassions and at other times I've succumbed. Satan has robbed me of my joy, peace, self-control and I've let him!

Yes I have the victory, but on a daily basis we all sin. We make mistakes, say wrong things, do wrong things, think wrong things. We go about our daily lives wanting to live God's way yet not asking him whether what we're doing is actually what he wants us to do. We assume that because we're not planning on sinning, what we're doing must be God's will. We have the audacity to assume we know what God wants us to do.

Jesus spent hours every morning in prayer. Now we can assume he was just having a chit chat with his Father, or spending time praising him. But isn't it more likely he was spending that time asking his Father what his will was for that particular day. Seeking information about who he should spend his time with, which relationships he should cultivate, where he should go. He knew when to heal and when to cast out demons. Yet we often just blindly pray for healing without asking God whether a sickness is a sickness which will bring glory to God, or whether it is a sickness brought about by demonic powers.

Satan is determined that we will not have the power and the victory that Jesus had. When we sit passively whilst people around us are crying out for God, when we don't speak up for justice, when we don't speak or pray or heal for fear of what the other person will think, or for fear of failure - then we are listening to satan's lies and not God's truth. When we don't act because of fear, we are sinning.

My bad day has been caused by my own sin. I have wallowed in fear, frustration and anger and it's prevented me from living the victorious life God has planned for me. Instead of allowing the things that have come against me to show God's victory I've allowed them to destroy my day.

I'm glad I've got a heavenly Father who loves me despite my failings. I'm glad I've got a heavenly Father who will forgive me my failings. I'm also glad I'm beginning to acknowledge that when I allow the bad to cause me to be negative then I'm allowing satan to come in to my life and steal what God has given me. My joy, peace, patience, self-control etc have been taken because I've allowed them to be. My repentance will restore God's glory in my life and cause me to worship my awesome heavenly Father.

I've had one of those annoying days when I've not really felt I've achieved much.

It started early, when I logged on to the net and chatted with my mum in Spain. I told her about my husband, Ian, being ill and she said I needed to get him checked out. Checking out has taken most of the day and resulted in him being admitted to hospital pending further tests. I'm now at home wondering where all the hours have gone, feeling lost because he's miles away in a hospital with no family around him and feeling frustrated because now all I can do is wait for the next batch of tests and their results.

I've done all I can do. Instead of allowing him to sit at home ill, I've dragged him off to get medical advice and I'm relieved that I haven't been wasting their time. The medics are concerned about his welfare too!

If I think about things sensibly, I've done nearly all I can. He's in good hands at the hospital. He's in better hands in God's care. I haven't done ALL I can do, as I still need to be praying. Praying for Ian, for the medics and the staff who are caring for him and praying for his brother when I phone him.

God holds us all when we go to him. He's our strength, our peace and our protector.

He's our creator and he know better than anyone exactly what is wrong with Ian's body and what is required medically to fix it. But my God is a God of miracles and I'm praying Ian will return from hospital without the need for surgery.

Awesome beauty

I was told the other week that I'm a worshipper. Now, in my eyes, everyone is a worshipper to some extent. In my case I was told that I can look at the beauty of a sunrise and it just causes me to lift my heart in praise and worship.

Well I have to agree! I just love God's awesome creation! The picture on this page was taken one morning as I drove to work. I was stuck behind a bin lorry collecting rubbish and had to stop, so I took out my phone and clicked a couple of pics. (Isn't technology great?)

The beauty of God's creation makes me stop and sing! When I walk on the mountain behind where my mum lives in Spain, I sing praises to God at the top of my voice.

Somewhere in the Bible it says that people cannot help but know God exists. All they have to do is look around at his wonderful creation. (I really must find out the reference and learn it!) To me it's the most obvious reason to believe.

I'm getting so frustrated!

I'm really being challenged at the moment about living every moment in God's will yet it seems an almost impossible task!

When I'm driving to work, I get frustrated by the drivers who sit close behind me trying to intimidate me into driving faster - and breaking the speed limit. Surely it isn't God's will for me to be frustrated? So I'm not living in his will at those times.

I get annoyed when other people leave my work space a mess for me to return to - I wouldn't leave theirs a mess, so why should they have so little regard for mine? Getting annoyed isn't God's will for my life.

After almost 9 months of no pain, my husband has been suffering a migraine for several days. Now this one is REALLY frustrating me! I know God has healed him. It hurts me to see him suffer, yet I fail to pray with faith for the pain to just miraculously leave his body.

Talking to my son on the way to his life group I mentioned these things. I said I don't believe we should be surprised when God heals, but rather surprised when He doesn't! Could you imagine how surprised Jesus would been if He spoke health in to a life and it didn't happen? And yet we're told we are to do greater things than He did.

I believe we are living in a time when miracles are happening on a daily basis, I'm just not seeing them on a daily basis in my life and I'm getting frustrated!

More than anything, I'm frustrated with myself because I'm not expecting them to happen!

Freedom!

There's just one word to describe how I feel these days - excited!

God's teaching me so much about living in His freedom, about claiming victory over Satan in my life and about living with God's authority in my life.

God is showing myself and many others the need to be aware of the plans of Satan to prevent us from doing God's will. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying Satan will win (he's already lost!), but we often listen to his lies when God gives us a task and so we fail to follow through God's plan. God's ultimate plan will never fail, but we often allow stumbling blocks to prevent us from moving on as quickly as we could.

By recognising our failings and admitting they are sins, we can go to the Father for forgiveness. This then places us into freedom and the release and excitement that comes through repentence is immense! We gain a power to live!

Prayer that releases freedom! What an awesome gift from our heavenly Father!

My Heart's Desires

Often when I think of God giving me my heart's desires I imagine the biggies. In reality it's the little things that make life great. The little things that I fail to mention to friends, and sometimes even family, that seem insignificant to anyone but me.

Yet often it is in these things that God shows me how much He loves me. I've been reminded about how special I am to Him twice in a matter of days.

A couple of days ago I mentioned to my husband that I haven't seen my mum for what feels like ages. Last September she underwent major heart surgery and was so ill before the operation that she died on the table BEFORE they began surgery! It took weeks before she was fit enough to return home and she's seen a slow but steady return to health. Mum lives in Spain and so it isn't a simple job for me to just pop over to visit. I came home from work 3 days ago to be greeted by my son telling me to "Phone Nanny, she's coming over to visit." She's only coming over for a long weekend, but it's exciting because 5 months ago it was touch and go whether she would survive, and now she's fit enough to fly over and visit. But it's more exciting because the announcement came after I had expressed a desire to see her before our planned trip in August. God's given me the desire of my heart.

This morning I woke and had a yearning to chat to my son on the Internet. He's recently returned to the French Alps to ski and chef and I miss him when he's not in the UK. I thought about sending him a text message but know that it's expensive to reply and I hadn't had an email from him so felt he probably hadn't found an Internet cafe this year. I didn't mention any of this to anyone. This afternoon whilst on the Internet, Rob suddenly appeared and chatted. He's met up with someone he worked with last year who has a laptop and the guy was giving him to surf time. I was thrilled to be able to chat. I was more thrilled that God had once again given me my desire.

My family is very important to me and I would give them their desires if I believed it would be good for them. God has the same heart for me. These desires were beneficial, not just to me, but to the others invovled too. God has a family heart for His children. I am so thrilled that He loves me so much that he knows my desires, even the ones I don't tell Him about. He knows my desires and it pleases Him to give them to me.

I've woken in the night singing. Thankfully not out loud! I don't think my husband would have appreciated that!

I can't remember all the words to the song but the main jist is:

You deserve the highest praise
We can give - and more!
Lord we give you our praise,
That's what we came here for.

At present my mum is in hospital in Spain awaiting a heart by-pass operation. Yet we are at peace because we know she is in God's care, as well as the medics.

Despite the seriousness of her condition, the fact remains that God deserves the highest praise. I can thank God that this situation is now, just when we're due to fly over at the weekend for a week. I can thank God that she is in a country that acts swiftly. I can thank God that she is saved and experiencing His peace at this stressful time. I can thank God that he is who he is, he does what he says he will do and he loves us with an immeasurable love.

God deserves the highest praise we can give! And more! I love him!

Coventry

We moved to Coventry in February and this week took the opportunity of a break from work to visit the city centre and be a tourist.

We wandered in to the centre looking for a place a friend had told us about to eat lunch. On the way we discovered Coventry's first cathedral - destroyed by greedy Henry VIII. My mind became confused because I thought the old cathedral had been destroyed during the war! I remember being taken to the new and old cathedrals as a child and this one didn't fit the bill.

During a delightful lunch sat in the sun I spotted the shape I remembered of the new cathedral building. So, after lunch we set off in the direction and quickly found both the present day cathedral and the bombed cathedral. I was amazed to discover that Coventry has had 3 in it's history!

I wonder if at any time these wonderful and immense buildings have seen spirit filled worship. To imagine a weekly meeting in these places with over 1000 people giving glory to God! What would the acoustics be like?

Woshipping God in an awesome cathedral or worshipping God in a converted cattle shed makes no difference to either God or the worshipper. But sometimes these magnificent buildings can act as a starting place for a pilgrim looking for the answer and finding it in a wonderful loving Father God.

A Servant Heart

I did a couple of VERY small favours for a friend and colleague yesterday and it got us talking about serving.

I remembered a previous colleague who had done a favour for someone. She had the attitude that now "he owes me." I remember thinking what a sad way to live. Only doing things for others because then you can get something in return.

The example Jesus set us is to be a servant. I love being able to do small things for others. I love helping others at work because it helps to relieve their stressful times. I never do it with an attitude of "now they owe me".

Yesterday my friend said that God will bless me because I have blessed others. Satan whispers in my ear - "so you're only doing things for others to get God's blessings! You're as bad as the others!"

No! I love to serve! It's what I've been created for and when I'm fulfilling my purpose there is a peace and a joy which far outweighs any "pay back" friends or colleagues can offer.

Rooted in the Word

Searching on Biblegateway.com for references to "The Word", I found 359. 261 were in the Old Testament and the phrase was qualified by "The word of the LORD".

Of the many New Testament references quite a few were references to the parable of the Sower: Matthew 13:1 - 18, Mark 4: 1 - 20, Luke 8: 4 - 18. These 3 accounts of the Parable of the Sower also include Jesus' explanation. The fact that each of these gospel writers included this parable and also the explanation shows the importance of understanding the Word for our lives.

There are many people who hear the Word of God but who fail to acknowledge it in their lives and ignore what they have heard, others who like what they hear but don't allow it to take root (they don't take action to accept the word into their hearts), another group who hear the word and accept it, but don't live by it. They allow the worries or the pleasures of live to dominate their lives and eventually their lives take control, rather than allowing the word to control their lives.

The final group are rooted in the word. For this to happen we need to be reading the Bible and allowing it to feed us daily. I'm still guilty of not doing this. I need to take God's word and allow it to control my life.

Towards the end of May, Steve Peake came over to Coventry to speak on The Word. The golden rule for his family is "Whatever I see in the Word, I will do". They take the promises of God and apply them to their lives. It was a challenging message. I'd always thought that when I read James 1:22

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.


The verse referred to doing good works, looking after the poor, loving our neighbours etc. Steve showed me that "Doing the Word" also meant taking hold of God's promises and applying them to our lives. In order to live by God's promises we need to make every effort to read the Bible; when we find promises applicable to our circumstances, hold on to them; learn promises by heart in order that they can be recalled when problems arise.

God's word needs to be the foundation of our existance. It not only tells us how to live but also gives us the strength and ability to live. This is not a life of obedience to a list of rules as in the Old Testament, but a life of freedom.

Spending time with God is the best part of our lives, spending time in God's word is the doorway to God's presence. In the words of Matthew Ling - "The word is a dynamic place to meet with God".

City Gates

Just over a week ago, we heard about gates being the way into the city. In Nehemiah, a long list of people who worked together to rebuild the city walls of Jerusalem was given. The list included the name of the main man and the section of wall he rebuilt or the gate he rebuilt.

The text was used to challenge each of us on the different places that God has given us to work. For me personally, I was challenged by the Old Gate. Now I may be feeling old when everyone lovingly calls me Grandma (my daughter has recently given birth to my first grandchild), but it isn't an age thing.

The Old Gate was rebuilt by Joiada whose name means The Lord Knows. We were told that God knows the work we have done in the past and it was not in vain. The gate was also rebuilt by a guy called Meshullan, whose name means ally. God will be our ally if we go back and restart the work with His favour.

For me, this meant restarting the blog. I'm not sure if I've touched any lives by what I wrote in the past, but I believe my written thoughts will be a blessing as people touch base with the blog at some point in their lives. I will probably never know who or how this blog has helped them enter God's city, or even re-enter. I just know that God wants me to use it for his purpose.

Now I'd said I'd be talking about this week's word and yes there is a link. The next discipleship point was that Jesus called and the disciples responded. By writing this blog, I'm responding to the call of Jesus. It may seem a trivial way of touching lives, a safe haven as I don't meet face to face. But I believe that sharing my faith through this media will strengthen my ability to share my faith face to face as well as touching lives anywhere in the world.