Quandary

I'm sitting at my desk in a quiet reception area reading. The dilemma is - what to read!

I have before me my bible - which I need to spend some time with.

"Is that really you God?" by Loren Cunningham, the founder of YWAM. An excellent book telling the history and some of the amazing stories behind the group.

"Help! I'm leading part of my cell meeting" - (I've just read the appropriate part for tonight's cell)

and finally, the manual for my new phone! It's amazing, but seems so complicated compared with my old one!

Talking about the new phone - it's my first camera phone. Isn't it just so frustrating when the kids pick it up and quickly perform tasks with something that belongs to you not them? And in order for you to do it, you need to refer to the manual!

Our dog has also learnt to be wary of camera phones. I'm not sure if the kids always use the flash with theirs' indoors, but when I tried to take a pic of my dog this morning, he sat in his basket and turned his head to the wall! He just wouldn't turn around until I'd moved away! He looked like a naughty school boy sitting in the corner but in reality he was a dog with a fear of strong light. Thankfully my phone didn't need the flash and I eventually got a pick of him. Sadly he wasn't looking happy! He had a hangdog expression on his face, probably waiting for something nasty to happen!

When I get the software loaded onto the pc at home, I'll be able to add pics to my blog!

Hidden Depths

Yesterday I asked my son to help me dismantle 2 double wardrobes in our bedroom. There was a run of 4 double wardrobes along one wall and we'd decided to remove two from the middle and push the bed back into the gap.

As we pulled the second wardrobe out, my son noticed the carpet was sagging alongside the wall. We pulled the carpet back and discovered that the floor underneath was disintegrating! There appeared to be just an inch thick of plaster or cement, but there was nothing underneath to support the plaster! Previously there had been a fireplace and chimney breast in the room which the previous owners had removed. For some unknown reason, they had just filled in the space left with the plaster although there was no support underneath. They had then proceeded to place two large wardrobes over the weak floor.

As we pulled the carpet back the plaster just crumbled away! We now have a hole 4 foot wide and 3 feet deep in our bedroom floor!

It's really quite scary the bodge up jobs some people leave behind when they sell their homes. I only hope we don't leave an horrendous legacies for future owners of our property!

It's all good fun though! As long as the bed doesn't move in the night and fall down the hole... I'd hate to wake in the dining room!

Forgiveness

Yesterday was breakthrough day for me. To be honest, most days are breakthrough days at present.

David spoke on forgiveness and he had hardly started speaking when I knew there was one large area of my life that was causing me to feel bitterness and resentment. Now the person to whom I have these feelings is probably totally unaware of the fact, but the feelings I had were still incredibly strong within me and often caused me to well up with tears.

The amazing thing about God's forgiveness is the way he so gently brings us to an understanding of our wrong doing. Our response then is to either forget it (or at least try to! God's Holy Spirit will keep on convicting us until we repent) or to ask a gracious heavenly Father to forgive us.

Together with some friends, I asked God to forgive me and to give me the strength to forgive this person for the wrong they had done. I accept that he will probably never make up for what he has "stolen" from me, but God will.

Joel 2:24-26

25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—

It's a time of realising that when God repays the things we have lost, he does not repay in the way that we repay, like for like.

Whilst dishing up our evening meal yesterday, my eldest son said.

"I love eating here! Sunday roast in this house is the best there is! Just look at the colour of the vegetables, everything cooked to perfection, all the colour so bright! At xxxx's home, everything is over-cooked, the colour is lost and the flavour is gone."

Now this may seem an odd comment to relay here in the blog. But to me, this was just what I needed! I praised God that he was returning something I thought I had lost. There is a very tenuous link between the person I had to forgive and the comment Rob made, but the link was enough for me to know that God was letting me know he had begun my restoration process.

I cannot thank God enough for all he has done for me, for all he is doing now and for all he has planned for my future.

I know that God is faithful, that all he has planned for me is good. I am excited to place my life in his care and see the great things he has for me!

Encouragement

I often wonder why I write this blog. Part of it is to keep a record of my own thoughts, part of it is to be an encouragement to others, a small part is to just cry out when life gets to me.

Initially I used to check daily how many visitors I had to my site. I began to get hung up about how popular I was! These days, I rarely check the statistics. I don't believe my blog will ever attain high popularity and massive daily readership. It's just good to know some people read it. My readership hasn't grown dramatically, and most readers just log in occassionally. The great thing is, the feedback I get from people I know. They all say they find the blog encouraging.

I haven't asked in what way. But I just want to put it on record, for those of you who have told me you find the blog encouraging - THANK YOU!!! Thank you for being an encouragement for me to continue.

Dancing Partners

This morning at work, during the intercession time, we were given the illustration that our prayer times are a bit like dancing with a partner. When you first learn you're wooden and give up easily. With practise, things become easier.

When we watch an experienced dancing partnership, we see fluidity of movement and beauty as the pair move in a seemingly effortless way across the dance floor. Others can join them on the dance floor yet although each pair is moving independently of the others, there is no major collision, no bumping and pushing, but again, a seemingly effortless and beautiful movement of bodies.

Our prayer times were described as a dance with the Holy Spirit as our partner. At first it's a new relationship, one which we need to work on. With time and patience we can improve our dancing. The Holy Spirit is a tireless partner, eager to help us learn new things. When we come together with others to pray, it can become like a crowded dance floor where all are dancing to the same tune, all are moving beautifully together, yet independently.

I found the description enlightening and it somehow released me to pray with less fear of what the others around me would think. So often I can be nervous of praying in company. I worry I will fall over my words, stumble around and just generally make a fool of myself. I even sometimes worry that what I say may almost be taken wrongly and it will be theoretically incorrect!!!

Our times of prayer and intercession are times of partnership with the Holy Spirit. Its a time when together we can communicate with our creator. He's not a dance judge, He doesn't condemn us if with pray clumsily. He only cares that we communicate with Him to show our love, our concern, our fears etc.

Dancing alone or dancing with a crowd, prayer is a time for us to express ourselves. We won't crash and destroy the evening for we are dancing with the perfect partner, the Holy Spirit. If we allow Him to guide us and to help us, our times together will become ever more beautiful.

Life Changing Power

God's at work in His people!

At present we are seeing lives changed, and people overcoming so much in their lives.

Yesterday we sang Amazing Grace, a powerful song of declaration. The final verse has always talked to me of our time in heaven when we get to spend eternity praising God, but yesterday God spoke to me that we are already in the time of praise.

When we've been there ten thousand years

Bright shining as the sun

We've no less days to sing God's praise

Than when we first begun.

God wanted me to know that

These are your days of praise

These are the days to declare my faithfulness

These are the days to shout for joy.

Don't look to your circumstances.

Don't look at your fears.

Look to me and declare your praise!

Look to me and declare my faithfulness!

For these are your days of praise.

If we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, if we keep our lives Spirit filled, we will see victory in our circumstances.

What is man?

Before Christmas, Ian and I were shopping for presents and we were looking at calenders. We found one of those daily pad calenders that has a beautiful image and a bible verse and we keep it beside the computer.

We're going through a bit of a difficult time with the kids right now and this morning I've just come upstairs and torn off yesterday's verse to find these verses from Psalm 8:

3 When I consider your heavens,

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,

4 what is man that you are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?

God does care. Not only for me, but also for my children. Our lives are held firmly in His hand and he will see us through this difficult time.

I have a God in whom I trust. A God who is faithful and loving and who I know will provide and care for me.

What is man that He is mindful of him? He is God's creation!

Genesis 1:31 reminds us:

31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.

and that includes me! He cares for me because He is pleased with the way he created me. That is why he cares for me.

Anointed

On Sunday David Lyon spoke powerfully about the anointing of the Holy Spirit. It's left me with much to think about and much to do. God has made us His people for a purpose and that is to do His will. He hasn't left us to work unprepared but He has fully equipped us to do all the things He has ordered for our lives.

The thing that struck me the most was that he has anointed me to do His will. I am set apart for Him and this anointing of His Spirit has given me the same power that Jesus had when he was on earth.

21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ.
He anointed us,
22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

I used to think that when Jesus spoke of us doing more amazing things than he did when on earth, that meant we would have Godly power. In a sense it does, but when Jesus walked the earth he walked it as a man with all the limitations that entailed. He possessed no super powers other than those given to Him by the power of the Holy Spirit abiding in Him. It's this same Spirit that abides in us and when we live our lives accordingly we can do the same as Jesus. Not in our own strength, but the same way as Jesus did, by allowing the Holy Spirit to flow from within us.

Doubt and Self Worth

One of the main reasons I haven't been blogging as much has been the state of my mind over the past few months.

I've been suffering from a grave lack of self worth and this has led me to feel that my thoughts are worthless and therefore not worth posting.

Thankfully, God has me in his hand. His loving kindness is at work and even if I think what I write is waffle, they are my thoughts. I don't need to worry about what others think of my thoughts. If someone disagrees with my words, they are free to respond. If I make a mistake, I am happy to be corrected (But be kind please). If I encourage or excite by what I write, I would love to know as that in turn excites and encourages me.

If my thoughts invoke no response from the reader, then I hope I will continue to blog because for me, the act of putting my thoughts down has been a positive act. By failing to blog, I am only increasing my feelings of failure and worthlessness.

So if you find I have not blogged for a few days, please add a comment to encourage me.

Life is not easy for anyone. We all need encouragement and I pray that at times, my blog will be an encouragement to those who read it.

God's Spirit is at work in this land and I am so glad to be a part of His plan!

New Job Description

Today I have been repeatedly introduced as "Sue, our new part-time, temporary receptionist". Everyone was really pleased! The role has been filled by staff and students on a rota basis for a long time and they were all pleased to know that for 3 days a week they will be relieved of the task.

I'm looking forward to being out of the house and meeting new people. I'm looking forward to being with like minded people. I'm looking forward to being where God has placed me, even if only for a short while. I'm looking forward to doing a job where I am appreciated.

It may only be part time, it may only be temporary but the job I'm doing is a vital part of any company and although a lot of admin staff view reception work as menial, it's important and it's always been one I love doing. Often for no other reason than it is a job who's most important task is to smile.