GONE

Well, I'm home after spending most of the day driving! The weather was good, Thank God! The only problems were on the way home when there were apparently several accidents on the M1 just after we needed to exit the M25, so we took a detour and came home via the A5. Boy, what brilliantly straight roads those Romans built! It took an hour longer to get home, but that included a good 30 min break for food and it was only an extra 10 miles. Well worth the detour if it meant avoiding several tail-backs in the early evening!

I'm now waiting for Rob to text me to let me know if he's been allowed into France. I, erm, washed his passport this morning! It's ok, just a bit worn and tatty, but still legible. I'm justn ot sure if they'll class it as "tampered".

Prayers for a passport?? lol

Night night.. I'm shattered and my eyes are worn out! heehee

(but thank God we've had a good day for driving!)

Whilst reading John 2 this morning there was a footnote which took me to the verse in Psalm 69 where it says "zeal for your house will consume me."

I turned to Psalm 69 and so easily managed to see myself in the lines of this psalm. I'm going to admit to the fact I'm struggling at the moment.

14 Rescue me from the mire,

do not let me sink;

deliver me from those who hate me,

from the deep waters.

15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me

or the depths swallow me up

or the pit close its mouth over me.

This is how I feel at the moment! Yet I will praise my God! Life may be tough, but God is all I need!

29 I am in pain and distress;

may your salvation,

O God, protect me.

30 I will praise God's name in song

and glorify him with thanksgiving.

I am finding that through all that is trying to drag me into the miry depths, nothing is stopping my soul from singing praises to my God! Even when I wake in the night, my soul is not crying in self-pity but is singing praises to my loving Father and my Saviour King!

God is worthy of praise, even when life is tough. Without God, I am nothing. With God, I have all I need to live according to his will. I love an awesome, creative but amazingly loving and caring Father God!

Thank you!!! You are my everything!

Going..

Tomorrow, Rob (my eldest son aged 18) sets off for the French Alps for 5 months. It's going to be a totally new experience for him and over the past month, since he got the job, he's been really excited. Yesterday he became quieter. The nerves are beginning to kick in. All the worries and doubts are beginning to surface.

I'm really excited for him! It's a new challenge in his life. A time to learn new skills, meet loads of new people, gain some independance.

He's going to be working as a chalet chef, catering for around 14 guests. He'll be responsible for breakfast and evening meals, even having to shop for the produce. Although there is a menu of what to cook, it's up to him to present it well and produce the food to a high standard. Rob, in the kitchen, is a marvel! It's a natural talent he possesses. Sadly in the past he has failed in his jobs because he gets incredibly nervous when people are standing around watching him. He's convinced they are passing judgement! Now he'll be working independantly he will be able to do what he does best - cook and present food which delights the eye first and then the palette!

Tomorrow I'm driving him down to Dover, so I need prayer for good weather! Rob needs prayer too, he's a very long way from God but I really believe these few months will bring him into contact with other Christians. I pray that they will hear God speak and chat openly to Rob about their faith. This is going to be a time of blessing for him!

All his family will miss him, but knowing he is in God's care gives me peace!

Immediately!

Having completed 1 Peter, Jacqueline has agreed to work through John's gospel for our next study. It's a big book, but as usual we will take it in small chunks.

Last night and this morning I've read chapter 1. The thing that hit me is that the 4 disciples who are called all recognised Jesus for exactly who he was... the one spoken of in the prophets, the Son of God, the Messiah. All of them, on hearing his words, immediately obeyed his call on their lives and followed him.

Yesterday, we were honoured at church with the return of our senior elder. Having heard the voice of God telling him to take 40 days off work to seek Himself, David obeyed and has been away from work getting closer to God, listening and obeying. David's message yesterday (at least the one I heard) was about getting intimate with God. We need to be listening to him, hearing his words and obeying them.

The most striking message I got was that we are to live our lives remembering that we are living it with an audience of One. I wrote the phrase down at least 4 times throughout my notes because I considered it to be so important.

Chatting to my son on the journey home, it had obviously hit home to him too. He is so easily led into mischief, if someone tells him to do something, he does it! He's so often in trouble at school for his silly behaviour. He said, next time someone tells him to do something he'll think "Who is watching? Who is the only audience I need to care about?" The Audience of One!

We need to get close to God, to sit and listen, to hear his voice. We need to be obedient to whatever his call is on our lives, either long term, or just for that moment in time. We need to live our lives remembering that there is only one person in the audience!

To the four disciples who heard and obeyed the call of Jesus, from that day forth, there was only One person who mattered to them. They lived for Jesus, some of them later died for Jesus, but to them, there was only one thing they had to consider whenever they made a decision - is this what Jesus has asked me to do?

Hearing?

Obeying?

Living for an Audience of One?

YES!!!

Let us lead a HOLY life!

It's been a long time

I've not been feeling too hot the past few days... I guess it shows by the lack of blogging.

Anyway, the great thing is... no matter how bad I feel, God's love for me never cools.

One of the best things about being married is that I now have someone to talk to when I feel low. Someone who will encourage me and stand by me. Now I know I always have God, (even hubby has to go to work and isn't around ALL day!) but somehow, it's more difficult to avoid talking to Ian, or answering his questions.

I don't want to turn a deaf ear to God, but it can be so easy sometimes. Now don't get me wrong, I havent been walking away from him, I just havent been making the effort to give him quality time. I still wake in the night singing his praise. I still love him more than anything else. I've just been too wrapped up in my worries to walk close beside him.

Worship this morning put that right. The opportunity to hand everything over to him. In the past I've said "here Lord, take it all" without actually being specific. This morning I was specific. I named several worries, handing each one individually over to him and receiving the peace which comes from knowing that Father is taking control. This doesn't mean life will become suddenly far less troublesome, just that by placing these things in his hands I have the ability to overcome.

I just cannot get over the fact that I worship an awesome creator God who loves me so much that he sent his Son to die for me. I cannot get over the fact that Jesus loves his Father so much that he lived only to obey him. That Jesus loves me so much that he was willing to live here on earth to give me a demonstration of how to live. I cannot get over the fact that the Holy Spirit is my personal survival kit! He is everything I need to cope with this life. My power and strength, my guide and counsellor, my friend and comforter.

I stand in awe of a mighty God who created me.

I cannot help but praise him, I cannot help but love him!

My Creator

Psalm 8 says:

When I consider your heavens,

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?

You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings

and crowned him with glory and honor.
You made him ruler over the works of your hands;

you put everything under his feet:

As I look back over the past year... (I know, I'm a bit premature for the old year reflections) I can see very clearly the path of revelation that God has led me through.

I started the year learning about God's awesomeness. His amazing power, holiness, creativity and love. This led me to look at Jesus and the example he gave me on how to live obedient to God's law. It also reiterated God's incredible love for us that he would sacrifice his only Son to allow me into a relationship with himself. A relationship which is far closer than most of the old Testament guys ever knew! Later, I gained insight into the character and gift of the Holy Spirit. Another example of God's love for us! By giving us his Spirit, we have more power, more awareness, more understanding, more ability to live the way God has created us to live.

The learning has almost taken me back to where I began. Being more aware and familiar with the three persons of the God head, I once again stand in awe of a God who created the heavens, yet who wants me!

Sing a New Song

or write a new psalm...

Wherever I go, whatever I do

My lips will proclaim your name!

When I wake in the night

Your name is on my lips.

My soul sings praises to you whilst I sleep.

When I wake your praises are on my lips.

Lord you are great!

I cannot help but proclaim your awesome love for the world.

I love you, I worship you, for you have created me.

I love you, I worship you, for you have redeemed me.

I love you, I worship you, just because of who you are.

Proverbs

I've got some bullies in my form. I'm sure all classes have bullies, but it's my job to try to encourage the bullying to stop in my own form.

Yesterday I looked through Proverbs and found a useful verse.

Proverbs 11:17

When you're kind to others, you help yourself;
when you're cruel to others, you hurt yourself.

I asked several members of the class if they were ever bullied. The pleasant students replied they were not bullied. The not so pleasant students replied that they got bullied. The students who are kind receive a pleasanter life at school. Other students don't "get their own back" as there is nothing to get back at.

The students who are nasty, pick on their peers, name call, hit or pick fights all find that the same kind of thing happens to them.

It proved a point.

If you're kind to others, life is pleasanter! If you're nasty to others, they will be nasty in return!

Let's be kind. After all, who wants to be picked on?

I'm a sinner

That's something I confessed when I became a christian. It's something I admit to now and again. But in the small hours of the morning, it really hit me how in just one aspect of my life I sin big time!

I've got a large form of 29 kids. Most are ok kids. One is small, uses puppy-dog eyes to look at me. He's quiet in form and in maths and also hard-working. Yet this child I see is not the child others see! In most other lessons he is silly, misbehaving and a nuisance! He often back-chats the teachers and over the last 2 days has had fights three times with other members of the form during a lesson. He has also been reported by prefects for spitting at them and swearing at them when he got told to stop! I had a chat to him yesterday because I want to get to the bottom of why he acts like this. To me, he's a nice kid. I want to help mold his character.

I have another boy in my form. He lies, he stabs girls with pins, he is incapable of speaking the truth to anyone. He has previously accused a teacher of sexual harassment. We have been warned never to be alone with him. I confess that when he's around, my flesh crawls.

In the middle of the night, I was lying awake. I decided to pray for the first boy. I'm concerned for him. I asked the Holy Spirit to give me wisdom and guidance. I added "give me wisdom to deal with the others too". Hasty words! God's Holy Spirit inside me told me to love them!

Ok, I love them. No I don't!!! Most of my form I just have ok feelings towards. A couple, like lad number 2, I really can't be bothered with! The first, I really want to help!

God's word tells me I need to love everyone as God loves them. When I fail to do God's will, I don't just fail to do his will. I sin!

Everytime I don't show God's love to another human being, I'm not being disobedient, I'm sinning!

I have never before realised the immensity of just failing on this one thing.

When I wake up in the morning...

I think of you.

I may not be the best at reading my bible every day. I may not be the best at praying. But these days, put me with a crowd of worshippers and I'm lost. Lost in wonder, lost in awe. I cannot help but praise the Holy God who created this world.

I wake in the morning and I'm singing his praises. The busyness of the day envelops me and my singing gets lost amongst the thoughts and pace of what's going on around me. But in reality, it isn't really lost, it's just drowned out by the noise. When I quickly still my mind, the songs are still there.

On Sunday, a problem at home almost caused me to miss getting to church. As the time approached for us to need to leave, my heart was crying out in pain at the thought of not being amongst God's people worshipping him. I was struck by the strength of my emotions. I really wanted to be there! I desired more than anything else to be with God's people worshipping him! As it was, we made it, only a couple of minutes late. The meeting ran to a different format but the worship was amazing. I needed no warming up, I just walked straight in, raised my arms and let my soul sing to my redeemer, my creator, my comforter.

I just want to praise God every minute of every day. I need to learn the skill of not allowing that voice of praise to be drowned out whilst I go about my every day life. My soul's song needs to be heard (by me) through everything I do. Then others will see God's glory through the life I lead.

It's been so long

I've not written on here for a while. For the past few weeks I've been letting life get on top of me and I've not felt as though I want to share my thoughts. Yet if I'm honest, my thoughts aren't bad, they just don't seem to be inspiring.

When I began my blog, I didn't intend it to be a source of inspiration for others. My intention was just to put down in words how I felt about my life and the things that affected my life. If I'm finding life tough, I can write it down. If I'm finding life amazing, I can write it down.

So I'm going to try to return to writing down my daily thoughts. Forgive me if they bore you but hopefully there will be times when you find my thoughts useful or inspirational. Whatever effect they have when you read them, please feel free to pass a comment. Argue, agree, laugh or cry, but feel free to join in when the urge takes you!

Too busy?

Since our return from Spain, it just seems to have been one thing after another with little time to take breath!

Laura applied for a job and was interviewed whilst we were away. She made such an excellent impression that she has been offered a higher position than the one she applied for! For some time now she's been suffering from low self-esteem, but this has really boosted her again!

Rob was also busy applying for jobs and decided to escape the country! He applied for a few jobs as a chef in ski resort chalets and this morning has received an offer of a job! In just a couple of weeks he will be travelling to the French Alps for 5 months! it will be strange not having him around again!

As for me? Well it's back to school, lessons, planning, a parent's evening for our new year 7s tonight, courses, studying and life!